Depression: Difference between revisions

One morning, I noticed that I couldn’t access my memories of my feelings of depression. My memories of those time periods were weirdly lacking in sensations. I could remember events, but nothing about the feelings. Additionally, the depressive behavior patterns were also blocked. I recognized the block. These were aversion walling it off from me. The same thing that makes you not want a particular food after you eat it too many times in a row, that aversion is what was blocking me from accessing these parts of who I was. I was freaked out. I was unsettled. I didn’t know what to think about it. I knew how these aversions worked. They last over a month. They get stronger when you push against them. They fade over time, but by the time they are faded, the thing that they were blocking tends to be forgotten, at least for me. Basically, this was part of myself being permanently deleted, without my consent. It was incredibly unsettling. It was a terrible part of my life being removed, but it was part of my life. I feared that I wouldn’t be able to empathize with others that were going through depression. That had been a big part of my life. I had always been the person others went to when they were going through something. Now, how could I stand in their shoes if I couldn’t even remember what those shoes felt like? Logically, I knew this change would be good for me. That first day, though, I was upset.